Self-righteous Sunday: go go go

| Sunday, January 31, 2010
Warning: fucking contains repeated fucking use of the fucking word fuck as an adjective, verb, noun, or just filler. Fuck. Dammit.

Maybe I'm an elitist. Or a jerk. Or traditional. Whatever it is.

I miss the days when group leaders could kick people and the tank was the group leader 99% of the time. Or to put it in practical terms: I miss being able to kick DPS whenever I felt like it.

I realize that the first boss in H UP talks a lot and we can certainly kill the abomination nearby while we wait. And I realize that the ret paladin can probably tank it. So there's not much lost by the DPS pulling it.

But don't fucking pull. You're a fucking DPS. Wait a half fucking second and I will pull. Seriously, two months ago your ass would be getting teleported out right now. Fucking noobs.

Maybe it's just a power trip.

Or I'm sick of the god damn impatient fucktards. I was running towards the fucking mob. How fucking far has humanity fallen that a half god damn second is a huge burden? Take your fucking ADD meds and chill the fuck out. No I do not need to chill out, I'm a blogger, we're allowed to get worked up and angry. Who the fuck are you? You're a fucking ret paladin in a heroic. What's your queue, 5-10 minutes? Yea, that means you're insignificant and replaceable, so sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up, commoner.

This isn't restricted to WoW.

Just the other day I'm driving along a busy street, you know the ones where cars still are legally supposed to yield, but the laws of physics don't give a fuck about the legal laws. Stupid lawyers. But the true stupid is the person who walks right fucking in front of my car, so I have to slam on the brakes, and he points at some stupid sign that says to yield. Well no shit I'm supposed to yield, that's the law everywhere in the US except highways and NASCAR.

The next light up was green. It was a bust street. If he had waited one second, he could have walked past with no problem at all. I should have not touched the brakes. If I had hit him just right, he'd have been too damaged to get the license plate, but damaged just enough to learn a fucking lesson. Don't pretend that a sign trumps human decency. Yes, I am talking about human decency in the same paragraph as committing a hit and run. You see, I believe in society and standards of behavior, such as not being one of the obnoxious douches that wanders into traffic. I also believe in not committing hit and runs, but in extraordinary times, you must take extraordinary measures. When the law is unjust, fuck it!

Last Christmas my brother and I were having a merry christmas eve eve, driving off to buy presents for friends and family. Or just family because I have no friends. Anyway. It's the same busy street, but this time it's covered in snow and stopping distances aren't very good. Some guy runs straight ahead of us. Someone with lesser reflexes would have hit him, so he owes my brother his life. Instead he got mad and yelled about yielding. Again, we should have just kept going if he's going to act like that. We ended by driving off with a "Fuck you" and a merry christmas to each other. If only we didn't have anti-lock brakes, the world might be a better place.

Then there are the people who blow stop signs in front of my other brother's truck. He'd win that contest if he decided to be slow to brake. Or quicker to accelerate.

These people remind me of the DPS who pull in instances. They're so damn impatient, so certain that someone else will bail them out or cover for their retarded mistakes, that they do stupid shit. I say fuck them. Talk to the healer and coordinate letting them die. I've done it before. I should make a macro to automatically whisper to the healer at the start of instances: "Please make this world a better place and do not heal DPS who pull".

Or let's make it better.

Dear Blizzard: Please add go go go to your prfanity filter and make it a bannable offense similar to if I started chanting KK slogans* mixed with profanity. Well fuck them, we don't need their kind. Anywhere. Ideally I'd be able to go to their homes and beat the crap out of them and take their stuff, but that's not an option. So in the meantime, start handing out temp bans to anyone who rudely insists that people go faster. In the email be sure to mention that their impatience is costing them time.

Also be sure there's an exception of something like "sorry, I have to go soon, is there any way we could speed this up? Do you mind if I misidrect pulls you?" This is clearly someone who is in a hurry for what may be a legitimate reason (significant lack of time) but who is not so rushed and douchy as to be rude.

Fight where the tank says
Tanks are not gods or the all-knowing lords of the instance. But they are the people who have to position mobs and keep them off the rest of the group. They don't all do things the same way, so it's important to adapt. Do what they are comfortable with.

Or in other words, when I want to tank HoR in the center, we will be tanking HoR in the center. I am not comfortable in the corner. If you insist on the corner, I will leave. That's not me being childish or stubborn, that's me wanting to ensure that the very important role of keeping you from dying is not overly difficult for me. So don't log on my server and send me rude tells.

In other words: shut the fuck up and follow the tank.

* Does the KKK even have slogans? What do you even say: "Gotta lynch 'em all"? That's god damn retarded. Maybe the sort of people who join the KKK are so inbred and stupid that they cannot even speak English. We already knew this from their tendency to ask slightly-tan people "does yall spake anglish?" Then again, they're clearly not all complete idiots, seeing as they've ended up in elected office at the state and national level. Then again, we've seen how effective state and national government officials are. Maybe that's the problem: it's not too much government, it's too many inbred former KKK members in government.


Joar said...

You are so absolutely fucking right! lol

Klepsacovic said...

Of course I am!

Crucifer said...

As a healer I once had a tank in HoR who did not communicate in any way other than mark on the mini-map where he wanted people to be. It was quite interesting watching DPS running around asking why the Tank wasn't following them.

When the first mobs hit, DPS began to pull aggro and died. We just ran out.

Gex said...

Gawd.. I'm so sick of all these whining sooky blog posts about dps failing from the long suffering tank/healer. Stop crying and get over it. Tanks and healers actually can screw up aswell SHOCK HORROR!!! Seriously if you don't like your dps just leave the group and find another.

Klepsacovic said...

@Crucifer: Wow, bad communicators ftl. That even seems a bit condescending, like you're just rats being directed with your behaviorist-induced light flashes.

@Gex: When I screw up, I own up to it. It doesn't happen often. I have left the group. This isn't about DPS, more about human behavior. If I played my rogue more often I might complain about the bad tanks and healers, like the ones I ran into trying to do the Ulduar weekly.

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