Vashj'ir: A lesson in unfinished content

| Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I'm glad you're reading this post today. It's an important one, about the future, and the choices we might or might not have in it. You see, there are people out there planning, developing, trying to make us do what they want. I know this might all sound crazy, but that just means you're hearing the same voices I am. Don't worry, I drew on a chalkboard. We'll be okay.

As you may have read, there's a gigantic shark in Vashj'ir. Also, goblins exist. This leads to a fairly obvious conclusion: Blizzard hasn't finished writing quests for the zone. Follow me, Azeroth.

This is a shark. It's a great big shark. HUGE.

And here are goblins. They're greedy and slightly insane. Also they have big noses. I'm not saying they're symbolic of Jewish stereotypes and that encouraging factional PvP is like redoing the Holocaust, but why is no one else asking these questions? And why have I not actually asked any questions before that one? Am I being silenced?

Am I the only one seeing this? Let's draw the lines.

Sharks are filled with water. It's science, because they're underwater. This makes them sink. But if they were filled with air, then they would float. The goblins know this. So what do they do?

They want to inflate the shark and use it as a zeppelin. This is sure to work perfectly.

Don't you see how it all fits together? This web is surrounding you. Let's keep going.

So now you're the one on the line. The goblins don't like to fight themselves, so they send you. First they came for the guy before you and you weren't there, so now they're coming for you. And that's it. That's how it happens. You think you're minding your own business and next thing you're all alone facing a shark.

The goblins are all gone or eaten. The mouth is coming. The tail, the fins, those are all the industrial complex that supports the military machine which is the mouth, and it is after you. That's it. That's the end-plan. Welcome to the future.

So the mouth comes and you dodge and twist and you think you've survived. But no, the shark swallows and now you're in its stomach. WWJD. What Would Jonah Do? It's sick. I know it's sick. But you're going to have to make tough choices. Make that shark throw up right back up and out. Sometimes you have to cross the line to survive. Take a risk and go for it, because there's no one left to get you out. Self-reliance. That's one of the values to keep. It will get you through this.

So you get puked out and in the clouding cloud of goblin bits and bile you swim to safety. Once back to base you don't get paid. That's the future we're marching towards, Azeroth.


Tesh said...

Don't forget: You're paying for this content, too. Don't settle for anything less than being able to turn around and train that beast to be a mount, and mount a few lasers on its forehead.

...and give it waterskis.

Klepsacovic said...

Screw that. GC promised me a pony and I'm not settling for some stupid gigantic flying shark with lasers and waterskis. He could at least meet me halfway.

Tesh said...

A pony with shark teeth and lasers?

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