Excessive Travel Times in Lord of the Rings

| Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Klepsacovic: Nice to have you with us, Frodo.
Frodo: Us? Please don't tell me you have an imaginary friend too. Please. If you say My Precious I will kill you right now.
K: It was just a figure of speech.
F: Go on.

K: You were a pretty prominent figure in Lord of the Rings Onscreen. You took on some pretty harsh challenges and, as much as one can in a MMO, won. What was it that pulled you through.
F: My Sam.
K: Uh... okay.

K: You've sometimes said that after your adventure everything seemed drab and boring by comparison. What was it about LoTRO that stood out for you?
F: The travel times.
K: Long? Short?
F: Is that a joke question? Are you kidding me? I spent months, literally months, walking. I had no maps. There was no compass. All I could do was wander in the general direction of Mount Doom and hope there was a path. Which there wasn't.

K: How did you get there then?
F: Some NPC with obnoxious AI had to be 'tamed' and used as a guide. The thing was awful, constantly pestering us and running slightly too far ahead and then we couldn't just see a marker of where it was; we had to run ahead and find him.

K: Were there any other notable aspects to the travel, beside being too long and getting lost?
F: Oh yea: serious lack of content. Let's count the number of instances: Prancing Pony (scripted event), Rivendell (scripted event), and Mordor, which was suppose to be the epic end of the journey and it's really just "lose control of your character and get attacked by a crazy freak NPC."

K: You felt that there was too much scripting?
F: Yes! Hell, there was barely any combat for me. Let's see, I swung at some orcs and get pwned by a troll. That's about the extent of the actual fighting. The rest of the time I was just walking while everyone acted like I was some freak.

K: Would you play it again?
F: Would I play a game based on too much travel, too much scripting, no content, no combat, and at the end the only worthwhile loot I'd gotten were a mithril chest and a ring THAT I DESTROY! No. Never. Worst game ever.

K: But the sense of adventure and satisfaction, I mean, you accomplished something great.
F: Did I mention I also lost all my friends to that game? It ruined my life.

K: I'm sorry to hear that.
F: Oh here's the kicker: I sail off to the Undying Lands so I can live forever, with my uncle who is already so old he's gone senile, and he'll be like that forever.

K: I have to go cry now.
F: Yea, go do that, noob.


Nils said...

Like it ;)

scrusi said...


Shintar said...

Now there's an aspect of Bilbo's leaving that I had never considered...

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