Friends ruin everything

I have decided to join with Blizzard in their push to eliminate trolls, at least the bad ones. So to ensure that I am not trolling, I have created an anti-trolling disclaimer.

Dear reader,
If you were offended by this, that was not my intention, so it's your own damn fault. My goal was instead to show you a different perspective, possibly to make you laugh, possibly to make you think. I am not sitting in front of my screen giggling at how I'm going to reel them all in with my brilliant troll. If you fail to laugh, it may be because I wasn't funny or if may be because you're a humorless dope. Have a nice day.

Everything.

Cool Lore
Wouldn't it have been awesome if the entire Forsaken had split off into a new faction? Imagine them waging a two-front war against the Alliance and Horde; both seeking to reclaim what they believe to be theirs. Imagine an all-out battle in Howling Fjord to drive out the Forsaken betrayers, stretching northwest into the Dragonblight, and back south to every Horde city. Imagine the armies of the Horde and Alliance meeting outside the Undercity, and battling over an invasion path; puppets of the betrayers.

This won't happen. Too many guilds would be torn in half. Too many people couldn't play with their friends. Friends, those out of game, out of lore, wreckers of possibility.

RealID
I'd use RealID if it didn't chain. So I'd use it only with people who have no friends. But they do. Therefore I do not use it. Yes, friends ruin the social networking tool.

Raiding
Imagine how much more productive raiding would be if we just kicked anyone who made a mistake. Or if we quit guilds that made mistakes. But no, we stick around because we want to stay with friends. We get some sort of enjoyment from friends, and pursuit of that detracts from our ruthless pursuit of imaginary rewards. Friends may leave you, but achievements are forever, unless you reroll, get banned, quit, or WoW dies.

Lunch
Next time you go out to lunch with some friends, think carefully: are you at the restaurant you really want to eat at? Odds are, no. Instead you compromised so you could eat with them. In a friendless world you could instead eat alone wherever you wanted, maybe yell at the waiter if he brings you the wrong dish.

Class Design
Why do we have "bring the player, not the class"? Because someone somewhere missed a raid with his friends because he plays a stupid class. If instead there were no friends, he'd not care so much that he missed the raid for playing a stupid class. Maybe he'd find a stupid raid to join that likes BM melee hunters, but no, he wouldn't want to be friends with those people.

Theft
In a free world I could rob your house. But no, someone somewhere cried too much that their friend's house got robbed and then they all cried to the government and now we have police. Also known as socialism. Social, like friends. They should call it Friendism. So now even people who are too cheap and lazy to install high barbed electric fences, train guard dogs, and hire a few sentries, they get free police help. Oh, and it's all paid for with my taxes. Who's the real thief here? Hint: Not me, I'm unemployed thanks to welfare security.

Friends
Over the years I've made a few friends, only to find that some of their friends are total douches. Who wants to hang out with people like that? Friends ruin friendship.