| Friday, March 2, 2012

Dear Tamarind, Tobold, and other Europeans

I hate you so very much.


Because of you're too good for a simple alphabet of um...1234567890
36 letters.

Oh no, you need your fancy things that go on letters. The things that look like tildes and dots and you even have weird letters that make no sense. Except for the double s thing that looks kinda like a B, which is awesome.

To appease you, Blizzard allows special characters. That results in not just a dozen DKs named Artha§, but also names which are really hard to whisper. Sometimes if I'm lucky I can /who part of it and get them that way.

Europe makes it harder to send whispers and that infuriates me. In light of this, I am boycotting Europe and will be renaming everything Europe-related with "freedom." I will make an exception for English, but will be replacing all foreign-looking words.

Thank [freedom] very [freedom][freedom] [freedom] a [freedom] [freedom].
[Freedom]! Why is everything [freedomed]!? Is every [freedom] [freedom] foreign? [freedom] [freedom] annoying. I'd [freedom] up, but that's for the [freedom].
Fuck? Oh [freedom], at least I can [freedom] [freedom].

Germ theory and idolatry

I can't walk five feet without running into a hand sanitizer dispenser. I can't even go to the bathroom without seeing a wall of sinks. What is all this for? I'll tell you: unproven theory and pagan ritual.

We used to have a moral foundation to science. We knew that disease came from demons or punishment from god. Maybe witches too, but they work with demons, so I wouldn't put that in a different category. The Muslims knew this, and early on they did a lot of science guided by their faith, and it worked well. While Europe was busy getting drunk and letting monks suggest that human inheritance was the same as peas, they were praying and learning. Of course it didn't last forever, because at some point God got sick of their misguided worship of a false prophet and Europe turned back to God. Then we had the Crusades and scientific knowledge exploded.

The so-called Germ Theory of Disease is just that, a theory. It is based on the idea that really tiny living things get inside you and make you sick. You know what that sounds like? An attempt to discourage pregnancy! Yep, it's birth control at the level of mass psychological manipulation. Let me ask you, what makes more sense, that we get sick because of the wages of Sin and Satan, or because some invisible bits of dust are actually alive? I thought so.

Take note of how it gets worse every year. Why? Pagan ritual. We should be praying to God to cure us. Instead, we perform these false rituals before unblessed altars: sinks and dispensers. We are taught this ritual obsession with the hand, as if the body part that builds and writes and shapes the world is somehow the dirtiest thing imaginable.

It's time to reject the harmful germ theory of disease and turn to the fundamental source of truth: The Bible, in which we learn about Sin and Demons, rather than ridiculous claims based on things that we can't even see!


Anonymous said...

As a european player I was most annoyed by the usage of ß as a first letter B.
I found it outright silly that Blizzard allowed the usage of special characters that I have never seen used in any language. Unless anyone can provide me with a in use word with that crosslined D.

On hygiene, well, it is the current all clean all safe policy that frankyl makes no sense.
As someone born before 1980 there was an awesome slideshow a friend sent me on safety/hygiene devices that are mandatory for children nowadays asking: How the hell did anyone survive the 80's as a kid?

Kring said...

At least we don't have two dots on the i like in naïve. :)

Anonymous said...

At least in my language we don't need another alphabet for the pronounciation, everything is spelled as it is written, we have one letter for every sound, no th, wh, ee (ī), ea, gh, -ish (š) or whatever else. Makes life more simple. I'm from Latvia.

Anonymous said...

The second one is a Poe, right? Right?

Klepsacovic said...

@Anonymous: Why iß ußing that as a B so bad?

@Kring: And neither do I.

@Anonymous: Where's the fun in a simple language with consistent spelling and grammar rules? I much prefer a language where, even as a native speaker, I am constantly screwing up everything.

@Anonymous: It's not a Poe.

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