"Shuffle? I don't fucking shuffle! I am a rogue. Shuffle is sound. I am silence. Unless I'm yelling. Fucking shut up."
My rogue isn't a very nice person.
"NICE!? I don't need to be nice. I need to pick all these damn boxes for you."
She's been farming Blackrock Spire for heavy junkboxes.
"And, and then you give them away for some shitty throwing weapon. Which vendors for over a gold! And then you destroy it. What's that sound? No not the imaginary shuffling. Yes that's it, money being destroyed. Idiot!"
You see, I've been working on building up my reputation with Ravenholdt, which means giving them a lot of junkboxes.
She pretends she does all the work.
She forgets that I was the one running around killing literally thousands of Syndicate.
"Oh the terrible sacrifice of doing your usual ret faceroll, except with targets that can barely hit back. I used to stab people in the face and poison them and pick through their corpses. Not all this thieving. I'm a rogue, sure, but I'm not a thief for hire!"
She doesn't get paid. I don't even let her use poisons because they take up bag space.
"Meanwhile I'm trying to sneak around the lower spire and you're up at the top hitting dragons in the face with that ugly axe!"
Which ugly axe? I have two, you know.
"The fuck it matters? I'm being quiet and you're up there waking up half the spire! Just the other day I was trying to sneak up to some sleeping orcs to grab a chest and they all jump up and I hear you spinning away and throwing hammers."
Pardon me, but I can be sneaky when I need to.
*triggers gnomish cloaking device*
"How many times have I said I want to switch to engineering? How many times? Do you have any idea how great it would be to have a parachute cloak?"
You have safe fall and don't need to be jumping off cliffs.
"And you do?"
Of course. I'm a paladin; jumping off cliffs with my feet shooting flames is very heroic. As I've always said: "Better smiting through technology."
"You're not a priest, noob. You have what, three other miners? You're a miner! The death knight, and the warrior too! You'd never even go mining on me, you prefer crusader aura."
The death knight has a name, you know.
"I can't pronounce that shit."
I know. You can't even pronounce my name.
"Yea, you're so cool with your fake Russian and fake German and fake whatever the fuck you named the hunter."
Folaksamba is not fake. It's made up. There's a difference.
I'll expect another 60 boxes by the end of the day.
Isn't she nice? Kinda chunky though. I think because she never runs. Lazy.
"I am not fat, you armored bitch!"
Excuse me, why are you still here? My mailbox doesn't appear to have the 60 boxes.
Guest post: The mind of a tank
1 hour ago