In an effort to counter the "corrosive and risky" behavior encouraged by the mainstream media, the educational programs discourage the use of common virus-control software such as avast! in addition to preventative software such as NoScript, asserting that such software only encourages more risky behavior, countering any protection which would possibly be gained. The funding cannot be used for any training which teaches safe browsing, a clause added after Representative Johnson argued that "even when kids think think they're safe, but they're only one google away from pornography and adware."
Representative Stevens drove the funding bill to a unanimous vote, rallying supporters with a thundering speech.
Over back in the so-called blue states they like to plug in all over the place and let their kids 'surf' whenever and wherever they like. And they're payin the price! Let's not let that be our kids. No. I won't let it happen. Every day when we sit down for dinner I give them some life lessons and I tell them "when you plug that Ethernet cable into a port, you don't know what network you're going to be on. The same goes for wireless. It's not any safer even if you think you're not touching anything. Remember, when you connect to a computer, you're connecting to every computer that computer has been connected to before." I'm raising a good family and we will raise a good state with this bill. I've said it once and I'll say it again: The only safe browsing is no browsing!
Several hundred supporters were present for the passage and signing of the bill, including many teenagers who added their signatures to a Vow of Internet Abstinence, a measure which is required for all students in computer security classes.
A followup bill is planned which would require that parents give consent for their children to purchase software.
* All credit goes to Stephen Colbert.