Belgium, be very afraid.

| Friday, November 5, 2010
If you're not reading this post, be even more afraid, because you don't know what's coming.

Here's the timeline:
Congress attempts to raise the debt cap.

Rand Paul filibusters to stand by his principles.

America collapses seconds later as angry Chinese investors foreclose our government.

With no government to pay or organize them, American troops in Europe cease spending any time at all prepared for battle and instead focus on getting drunk and harassing German barmaids.

In imitation of notable Italian womanizer Silvio Berlusconi, a womanizer rises in France to seize all power.

With nothing to stop them, the new French Pansy Party, known as Panzis, invade Algeria, war which they very slowly win due to a combination of incredibly awful tactics but incredibly awesome weapons. Seeking seeking to unify all French-speaking people, Belgium is invaded.

Britain responds by giving carefully-worded speeches which are so polite that the French interpret them as encouragement.

French forces invade Germany under a historical mandate to "neutralize Prussia", swiftly defeating the Germans whose own army and security forces are tied up dealing with thousands of heavily armed and very intoxicated former American soldiers.

Turning traitor, US Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano leads the French army through eastern Europe toward Russia, invading and swiftly crushing any resistance. Then the French army freezes to death in the winter (technically summer, based on the tilt of the Earth) and is forced to retreat.

Meanwhile for no clear reason Italy invades nearby Croatia, quickly winning with no casualties. However they soon retreat, declaring it a "waste of a Sunday afternoon".


TL;DR: Libertarians are going to cause World War III. This fits well with my theory that the Tea Party is actually a front organization for Islamic terrorists.

You may think this is crazy, that the French are pacifist wimps who cannot wage war at all. Basic historical knowledge would indicate that the French love nothing more than bombing helpless enemies. They're a ruthless, bloodthirsty people. Be afraid.

10 comments:

Syl said...

LOL well. I'm all for it as long as it means switzerland stays happy neutral in the middle of it all and cashes in all the gold later.

...

..was that just a bit too much?

Anonymous said...

LOL. The French leading a war, instead of a retreat? Very funny.

Michael Young said...

Imagine if in wow when you had no money, you could still buy anything you wanted and then you just had negative money. Going into debt doesn't limit your ability to spend more money, it just gives you a 10% damage/hp/healing debuff for every 100k gold you're in debt.

How quickly do you think we'd see mass calls on the forums to balance heroics and raids around a -50% debuff? :P

LarĂ­sa said...

Some of us have already started to celebrate the Friday night, apparently. Cheers!

Klepsacovic said...

@Syl: Don't get too eager, we all know you Swiss speak some crude mix of German and French. In other words, you're about to be the Poland to France and Germany.

@Anonymous: They actually start quite a few wars. And have nukes.

@Michael Young: Very slowly; -50% isn't enough.

@Larisa: Still morning here, I just have a strange way to acknowledge it.

Barrista said...

Bombing them? Or chopping their heads off even as they attempt to make peace?
You can tell "Anonymous" didn't pay attention in world history class.

I work for the US research center of a French Oil/gas company. This could affect my pay.

Anonymous said...

Klepsacovic, it's never too early to start celebrating.

Reading your post, I was wondering who is supposed to attack the central european countries... wait, no, the answer is clear (everyone)... who will attack them first then?

Regarding French, weren't they the last country to occupy Switzerland? And Moscow?

Everblue said...

Statistically, over the last 1000 years, France are one of the most successful military nations in the world. Their "win percentage" is much much higher than most other countries.

Syl said...

@kleps

haha oh yeah! you mean if gadaffi doesn't divide us in 3 parts first, one each for our big neighbours! ;)

Tesh said...

Nah, 2012 will be when the Mayan zombies invade. Even if this stuff happens first, it won't matter.

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