World Plunges into Despair as Fact-Checker Discovers that the Chinese Character for Crisis is not Made Up of Danger and Opportunity

Or as the media calls it "Chinagate." No one else calls it that, not merely because it's a useless name, but also because they're too busy screaming in horror.

CNN's Anderson Cooper gives up wearing shirt altogether while covering scenes of rioting.

FOX News asks why Obama failed to obtain any concessions during his trip to China.

White House responds: "Go fuck yourselves. We're all going to die so let's just say it: fuck off."

MSNBC brings back Keith Olbermann for a day which he spends blasting the GOP for perpetuating the lie since the days of Nixon.

Network news gave no comment, but Brian William's Facebook status is "Oh God, dear God oh God oh God oh God."

House GOP leader John Boehner cried.