There are good days and bad days. There are the off days and then almost-soloing-the-world days. And then there are the chaotic days. Somehow order and direction are annoying. Any attachments feel restrictive. There's the urge to gquit, not out of rage or any personal resentment but more like "I don't want to do this anymore, I want to just be free."
I feel like that now. I know it's stupid. I wouldn't get anywhere. I can't PUG everything and as sad as it sounds, I get lonely. Sure I get annoyed by idiots in gchat saying dumb stuff about who knows what, but, something about the lack of green scrolling by just makes me feel isolated.
Perhaps it's bad timing. The end of semester is coming and it's crunching my time a lot. Or at least it's crunching my perspective of time. I've not been raiding as much recently. I was on last night for Ulduar and we downed a few bosses. It wasn't much fun. It felt like either waltzing in and chopping down an easy boss or like dying over and over for no progress at all. To be fair, Razorscale is on farm, the council was done the easy way, and my guild had been doing the hands guy for a few days. Still, from my perspective it was a totally unbalanced run, either trivial or impossible.
Gear is another problem. I feel like I've fallen behind on tanking gear, though not too badly. My ret gear though, it's clearly not up to par. This has its roots in Naxx. Since ret was my offspec, I had a hard time getting anything more than completely unwanted scraps. In retrospect we should have started using the dual-spec loot system before they came out rather than afterward. We spent a long time giving marginal upgrades to main specs while future secondary specs were treated the same as offspecs and got screwed. The result is my current ret set which I feel bad using because I feel as if I'm hurting the raid using it.
This is fixable of course. I can do naxx 25 to get pieces I'm missing, but that's going to be a pain. I don't like PUGs much for raids. It's likely that I'd be there tanking, but then what raid is going to give DPS gear to a tank before the DPS? I could demand it as a condition, but I doubt tanks are in such short supply that it would work. Besides, we all know how much demand there is for plate and two-handed DPS loot.
The next video game crash
19 hours ago