Don't you wish you were confusing like us?

Enter seal of command.
"Hello there, paladins. I am a really great seal. I scale with just about anything you can think of. I do 70% of weapon damage and use melee hit and crit. But I take mana to cast, so get that intellect. But here's the real bonus! I also do 20% of your spell damage and I'm holy damage, so I benefit from things like sanctity aura, misery*, and JotC."

Crusader Strike pushes SoC aside.
"11 points? That's not a ret build. Now 41 points, that shows you're committed... to me! I'm the serious stuff. 100% of your weapon damage and 40% of your spell damage; that's some major hurt! Think of me as SoC, except bigger and more reliable."

After some flexing CS blushes and stammers out a last line before scurrying away: "I forgot to mention, I'm physical, so watch out for armor."

A homeless man stumbles onto the stage, ranting and raving.
"Crusades, we're on crusades! JUDGING THEM WITH CRUSADES! More holy damage. 219, 219, 219. Retribution aura? Of course not, don't be a fool. Blessing of sanctuary!? Get out of my sight! Ohhh, yes of course... seal of command, yes yes. You know of crusader strike? Strange one him, crazy, does crazy stuff! We used to work together you know. I gave him more damage. Now he thinks he's too good for me!"

He wanders away, screaming in alternating pitches, but sometimes whispering: " hit hit hit hit CRIT CRIT hit CRIT miss CRIT."

Narrator: Crusader Strike was eventually arrested after robbing a bank, claiming he needed more resilience. He lost his spell damage privileges and was ordered by the judge to 10% more weapon damage. His community service trips are more frequent as well.

* Misery, is it any surprise that this helps paladins so much?